Juan Pablo Di Pace talks about writing, directing and starring in Before We Forget, a film built from his own first love, and why actors should never just wait for the next job.
10 Things Actors Should Know About Making Their Own Film
Drawn from what is actually said on camera, so you can decide whether to
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The pandemic Zoom series became a feature film
Di Pace had acted for about 25 years and always wanted to direct. During COVID he was directing friends in Zoom series like many actors, then decided to put that energy into a real film instead. The story came from a producer friend who heard about his first love and said that is a movie.
He found an old family videotape of the events, the same tape seen at the end of the film, and built from there. But he says he never set out to make a therapy session. He dissected what really happened, then added to it until it worked as a story outside himself.
Making a film is like going to war, so bring people you trust
His mother was the art director and costume designer and plays his mother on screen. His co-director is his friend since age 13, Andres Pepe Estrada, an editor who he says cut Argentina 1985. The two had promised each other at 13 that they would make a movie together.
When you act in your own film, hand yourself to someone else
Di Pace told his co-director that whenever he was on screen, he would have no opinion and would take direction. The cinematographer called them a trio: the DP was the eyes, Di Pace the heart, Estrada the head. He says his main acting choice was to stop worrying about his own part.
The right actor might be a magician who has never auditioned
He was about to cast a boy who did not quite look like him when his casting director pushed for one more search. An Argentine casting director suggested a young magician with no screen experience. Di Pace taught him everything, including hitting his mark, and loved having a blank slate next to the veteran professionals in the cast.
Let characters speak the language they would really speak
He has an ick for films set in France where everyone speaks English. In his film two mothers have a deep conversation without sharing a language. He also says you become a slightly different personality in each language, and that even your casting can change with it.
Run two roads at once: the jobs that come and the work you make
You cannot strategize which Broadway audition arrives, he says, but you can write a film, a one man show or a short. An early agent told him to always keep his hands busy, because waiting makes you miserable. He went two years without acting work and says creating kept him out of that identity crisis.
Norman Lear came on as executive producer after his partner Brent Miller passed him the script. When everyone had opinions about the edit and the music, Lear asked if Di Pace was making the film he wanted to make. The film stayed fully independent, with no studio telling him how to write or direct.
His mother, a painter, is the one who tells him to keep going when financing falls through or he feels deflated. He hopes everyone has one person like that. She is already involved in his next film, a ghost story set in the 1800s that he started writing while still editing this one.
His late teacher Ed Morehouse of HB Studio quoted Hammerstein: a bell is not a bell until you ring it, and love is not love until you give it away. Di Pace's advice for a hard time in the business is to give your work away somehow: make a short with friends, take a class, write the memoir, because held in, it festers.
I want to start from, I mean, I'll start from the beginning, but this is obviously a story that's very close to you based on things that have happened in your life. So when did you start conceptualizing this? When did you start drafting? Okay, so I have been acting probably for about 25 years, and I always wanted to direct. It was always in the back of my mind, I was doing music videos and short films and things like that, and it was always this desire to direct a movie, because I have been on the other side, in front of the camera many, many times, and, you know, as an actor you're always maybe wanting, wishing, oh, I could do that better, or I could, you know, or whatever, or I could do it different. And so it was always a wish and a desire, and I think it was just after, or during COVID that I put all my energies into doing these, like many actors did, Zoom series that we created, directing your friends and things like that, and then I thought, well, maybe I could put all this energy that I'm putting into this YouTube thing into an actual film. And so then it became, you know, okay, what is the story? What do I want to talk about? And it was out of a conversation, I mean, a couple of things, but it was out of a conversation with a friend who's a producer, and she asked me about what was your first love like, and I started telling her, well, I went to this international school, and then fell in love with my best friend, and then my parents saw it on a video, and then da-da-da-da, and so I finished telling her the story, and she was like, well, that's a movie. And so then I went to see my parents, and I discovered this tape that you actually see on the end of the movie, there's like a real tape, and I saw this tape for the first time in years, and I thought, oh, there is something here. So it was really about dissecting the real story, whatever happened in my youth, and then of course, adding to it and making it something outside of myself, because I never set out to do something like, you know, a therapy session, I just wanted to tell a story. You know, the audience needs to be engaged and entertained and all the things. So yeah, that's how it sort of came about, around 2021. And I want to touch on just how there's like, a very meta element to this movie, because it's a movie inspired by your life, actual things that happened to you. But it's also about a filmmaker who is making a movie about this thing that happened. So when you are trying to find the collaborators for this project, whether it's your co director, other actors, and it's something so personal to you. So what were you looking for in terms of collaborating? Well, it was really about working with the people that were in my life, that I know I had their support. My parents were a huge part of this film. My mom was the art director and the costume designer. Yes, props to mom. Props to mom. But also my mom plays my mom. My mom is the older lady. So she was there in the conception of this film and the writing of this film. She was bringing me coffee while I was writing it because I was with them in Spain, staying with them, you know, protecting them from COVID. But then I got COVID while staying with them. So anyway, but and then, you know, my best friend for many years, since we were 13 years old, Andres Pepe Estrada, who is an incredible editor. He edited Argentina 1985 that went to the Oscars and won the Golden Globe. He's been incredible, sort of prolific editor for many, many years. And when we met both at 13, we said one day we'll make our film, our movie. And so we're talking 30 years ago. And so when the time came to tell the story, I said, Andres, you have to do this with me, you know, because I'm going to be acting in some scenes. So we have to co-direct it with me. And he said, absolutely. And so to have him was really important also because his vision of a film comes from an editor perspective. So even when we were shooting, he had a very specific, you know, sort of checklist of things that he needed, which I didn't because I never went to film school or, you know, edited a lot of films. And then, you know, Devin Doyle, the cinematographer who I love and who's an artist in his own right, incredible taste. For me, the taste, whatever, all the elements in this movie have been a little bit like making a painting, choosing the right colors. So the music was very important. So I worked with these two amazing Icelandic geniuses for the score. And an Italian composer for the original songs. But I also kind of went to my safe, you know, my place, which is classical music. So there's Debussy, there's opera, there's this thing that I've always loved, and I was able to get it for the film. So I think it really was about surrounding myself with things and people that I knew that I was safe with, because it's like making a film is like going to war. It's true. So you want to be safe, at least, because things are going to happen. Bombs are going to drop. So, but also what, you know, it is a tough thing to do, but it was also a choice is even though Norman Lear was our exec producer, which was incredible. The film is completely independent, which means that there's no studio, there's no suits that told me what to do or how to write or how to direct. And that was a beautiful thing, because what you see is exactly the film that I wanted to make, which in today's world is not very usual that you can do that. Yeah, that's a very special kind of freedom. Yeah. It sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about casting young Matias, because he's such an amazing actor. But while you were looking at actors for that role, were you like, oh, yes, this this guy reminds me of me when I was younger. Or did you sort of take your did you have to sort of like stand outside of that process? It was it was tough because I even though I've always played not Argentinian characters, like in my career, I always had to play someone else, some other culture, some other accent. And so I'm the first defender of actors who change their natural voice to should be something I wanted for this one to have a kid that was from Argentina. So I went to Argentina because this the idiosyncrasies that I needed for the film. You know, this is a kid who I wanted to see whatever was happening to him in his face, in his eyes. It wasn't so much about the, you know, well, it was about everything. But anyway, I went to Argentina and I searched and I searched and I I was about to confirm one one boy was great, but he didn't quite look like me. And then my casting director was like, stop, let's search one more time. And so we did another search. And then this casting director in Argentina said, well, actually, I know this kid who's not an actor. He's a magician. And he's never really done an audition. We have magician fans in the audience. He's never really done a movie or anything like that. But I think he looks like you. And, you know, I saw him the other day and I was like, OK. So when I saw him, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is this is it. This is him. So it was a it was a great experience working with this kid. Working with a teenager that was like a blank slate. He had no reference for what you know, how you behave on set. What do you do like standing on your mark? You know, all of that. I had to teach him and I loved it because it was also very liberating for me to just have someone who who was pure. I think you see that in the film. You get his yeah, his purity, his innocence, even though I'm an amazing actor, because he's very outgoing. He's very what you call it, like extroverted. And I was asking him to be the opposite of that. So I love it. I want to work with people like they're people whose first time is, you know, like acting for the first time. I don't like calling them non-actor because they are actors, but it's great when you get someone like that. And then people like Sarah Parrish or Johannes Johansson, who are pros and have been doing this forever. And so to have that mix of, you know, a lot of experience and no experience was really, really great. I also loved hearing all the different languages in the film. So you speak several languages, but we hear you mostly speak Spanish, I think, in the movie. Is there something about acting in a certain language? Like, how does that impact how you approach your craft or does it at all? Yeah, it's a big thing. I've always kind of had a bit of an ick when I see a story that, let's say, takes place in France. But the actors all speak English, you know. So I wanted to make a movie that reflected the reality of language and the interconnectedness of language. So the fact that these two families can communicate, even though they don't speak the same language, these two moms, they're having this very deep conversation and they don't understand each other's language. And that's reality. You know, when you go to a different country and you want a coffee, sometimes you have to kind of, you know, get your... And that's what happens. And in film, I think sometimes this idea of language gets a little glossed over. So I wanted to talk about that and what that feels like for, let's say, Matias with his new English and going to this family and having to understand their jokes. And so, yeah, I wanted to make a point out of the language itself and accents. There's a lot of accents, too. And then him kind of becoming more confident in parts with his English. But for you as an actor, do you feel like if it's, you know, you know, you're going to be speaking mostly Spanish or mostly Italian, that you can sort of get into character more quickly, like you're able to access the emotions of it more quickly? Because I was acting in my language? Yes. That impacts your craft, I guess. It is different. I mean, it is different. But now I dream in English, which is what they say. That's your language. Whatever you think and dream, that's your... So English is, I guess, now, you know, surpassed my Spanish. But yeah, Spanish is the language I speak with my family. And when I go to visit, you know, my people in Argentina or Spain. So it is. I mean, we are different personalities in different languages. Even though you're the same person, you kind of, you know, sometimes you, I don't know, even the casting changes. It's a weird thing. Even seeing myself, like, acting in Spanish and in English in the movie and going from one to the other was like, ooh, I mean, to me is an adjustment to watching it. I speak another language as well. And I find myself, like, I think you take on some of the culture of where that language is based and you sort of... Some people have different pitches in the different languages they speak. The scene with Matias and his parents in the car, I think, was... Yes, see, everybody knows what I'm talking about. It affected you too. Tell me what... It's such a powerful scene. Tell me what inspired it. Why was it important for you to write that and have that in the movie? That scene, I was very nervous about it because it had to work. I think it's the heart of the film. And yeah, I wrote it out of memory because that is this conversation that I have with my mother. And it's exactly how I remember it, how I wrote it. So the fact that then when you get to shoot it and the actors are giving you exactly what you imagined and even what you lived, it's freaky. It's very strange. Like, it was one of those moments that I thought all the lines are converging and it's just giving me exactly what it needs to be, which is the beauty of film as well. When you get to catch, like, gold and it's happening and it's just so exciting. And then you think, well, maybe it was just exciting then. Then you watch it in the editing and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's there. So I was also sobbing while watching it in the car because I was in, like, behind the mother, you know. Filming and crying. Yeah, it was a tiny car. But I wanted to be inside. And so I had to, like, cover my mouth not to affect the sound of her mic. So, yeah, it was a very special moment. Has your mom seen the film? Of course. And what has she said? I mean, it's just part of, now it's part of, it's normal. I mean, she's watched it so many times in festivals and things and different versions of the film that I showed her. She's very proud. She loves it. And I'm very lucky because my mom is, like, a little bit like a mentor. She's an artist. She's a painter. But she's also the person, and I hope all of us have one person like this in our lives, that whenever things are south and whenever you're, like, deflated, she's like, keep going. Do it. Doesn't matter if it's difficult. Keep going. Just do it. And she was like that with this film when I was having trouble, like, with the financing and this and that. She's like, no, it's going to happen. Just keep going. So I love having her in my life. She's actually involved also in my next film. Is she acting again? I will give her a part. Yeah, yeah. You're a good son. She's a good mom. When I was, before I even sat down to watch this, I was just doing my research and I was, like, reading summaries. I'm like, okay, what is this being billed as, right? And, you know, I think that the thing that came up over and over again was just this is a coming of age, you know, gay love story, gay romance. And I was like, okay, all right. But I guess, you know, what does that mean to you? I guess, you know, what does meaningful LGBT representation in film mean to you? What does that look like to you? Well, obviously, it's important, because there are kids and also adults who watch movies like this, and they might, from watching them, get something they needed to hear, or this hug with the dad. You know, some people have said it was like my dad hugged me. So it is really, really important to have films that touch upon something that is so that touch upon something that is so specific to a group of people. But the way also I see it is, it's really a love, like a love story is a love story. And a first love is a first love. So I didn't set out to make a gay film, if that's what you're asking. I set out to make a story about memory and family and parenting and all of the things. Language and teenage and how we romanticize the past, you know, because that's a big theme of the movie is how much memories can either sort of get you stuck. And sometimes you have to like, you know, re-see them or reframe them in order to go forward in life. You are headed to Broadway next in the production of Shmoogadoon. Yeah. Thank you. You've done so many things in your career. You've been TV, film, directing, writing. And I think this speaks to a lot of your fellow actors, but a lot of times actors don't always feel like they have a lot of control over their career trajectory. So have you, do you take time to strategize about your career? Like you're like, okay, this is time for me to step back in front of this time, do a play. Like, how do you approach these opportunities? How do you approach your career trajectory? I don't think I can strategize on the acting side of things. I don't think that's a, or at least in my case, I don't think that's possible because life's shown me that it will be whatever it wants to be. And whenever the time is right for this, then this happens. What I can strategize on is making a film because I'm writing it. I'm sitting at the computer. I'm talking to investors. I'm going, you know, I can't decide that I'm going to do a casting for Broadway because that, you know, sometimes it comes and when it's there, it's great. So I've always thought, okay, it's like I have this parallel two roads running at the same time. There's the acting and it's the opportunities that come either from self-tapes, casting, all that stuff, people that know you, people that want to, whatever. And then there's the proactive, which is, yeah, if I want to do a one-man show, I write it and I put it on a theater or if I want to make a short or make a movie like this, that's the proactive side of things. So they both run parallel and whichever one happens at whichever time is what is done. But I think early on, maybe one of my first agents said to me, you know, don't wait, like don't just always be with your hands busy with something because otherwise you will be miserable if you wait. And it is particularly a difficult time now to be an actor, I think, particularly bad. So, yeah, I mean, I wasn't working for like two years. I made this film and I didn't do anything up until like recently and I had to kind of busy myself with creative things because it can be very demoralizing but also frustrating to say, oh, I used to do this thing and this thing, I'm not doing it anymore and I'm not earning a living from this thing that I used to do. And it's weird. It's like an identity crisis, right? So at least if you're able to create something, you feel like you're in active mode and you're still doing things. You're still being an artist. Yeah. We have a couple questions from the audience. I'm sorry if I've mispronounced your name. This is coming from Ayuna and they ask, what was the most important acting choice you made while portraying Matthias and how did you arrive at that choice? The most? Important acting choice that you made while portraying Matthias. I don't know. It's weird playing something so close to you. So I guess my only choice was just not give a crap because I was so focused on directing everybody else and like worrying about everybody else and making sure that everybody was like exactly what I kind of imagined that when it came to my bit, I didn't even think about it. Because I didn't want it to be a thing, you know. But I will say when I was on set, I did tell my co-director, you know, when I'm acting Matthias, you do whatever you want. I won't have an opinion on this. So I sort of released myself to him and he was able to direct me. But yeah, I had no wish. I just wanted to get it over with and get on with all the other things. Having a co-director, how did you split the duties, I guess, on set? I mean, you know, I think I was the actor's director and he was more the sort of the shots, the stuff that we would need in the editing, the brains. I was the cinematographer used to say this is a trio, you know, the DOP was the eyes, I was the heart and Andres was the head, the brain, you know. So I think it was a little bit like that. This question is from Gabriel. How did you get Norman Lear to executive produce your film? I had that question too. Yeah, I showed the script to Brent Miller, who was his partner for many, many years. And Brent loved the film and gave it to Norman. Norman loved the script and they came on board as exec producers. And it was actually very strange and quick. And, you know, they were around for the whole thing. And I showed Norman a finished version of the film in a cinema at Sony, which I think I believe is the last time that he was in a cinema before he passed. So that's a huge, just beautiful thing. And he was awesome. He was very, he said to me, Are you making the film you want to make? Just make sure that it's your film and no one else's. You and Andres' film. Don't listen to other people. And for your first film to hear that from someone like that was huge. I, at the time, I think I was going through, everyone has an opinion of how the thing should go and how you should edit it and what music, all that stuff. And at the right time, he just said this to me and said, just make sure it's your film. So yeah, I loved it. I loved meeting him and knowing him. And I know you touched on this a little bit, but while you were finishing this up, you're already working on the next thing, right? So you're just not stopping. No, I think, I don't know. It's, I don't know what it is. When you get in love, when you fall in love with an idea, it sort of eats your brain. And so you want to take it up and make it into a thing that lives and breathes. And so it's really not a goal or a career thing or anything like that. It's just like, I recently was with my parents in Italy. I took them to just travel around and we were in Florence and Rome and admiring like all the Renaissance work. And it was terrible because this idea just kind of planted itself in my brain, connected to Italy and all this. And it now wants to be a film. And I'm like, wait, wait, I'm doing this other one. I like how you're having this conversation, like a conversation with this entity. Yeah, it's like a whole life of its own. Yeah, it's like a living thing that is telling you, hey, can you do me? Can you like bring me forth? And I'm like, so that's how I see it. Was that the question? No. I don't even, I don't even remember, but that was a great answer. That was a fantastic answer. I don't think you have this problem, but I love asking actors and artists, you know, what do you do to stay creative and inspired? Is it travel? You know, some have said travel. Sometimes people have said... Book a flight. Book a flight. Book a flight. Yeah, anywhere you just, you throw a dart on like a map and you're like there. I don't know. There's something weird, some Murphy law that when you book a flight, you get a job or you, you know, so just book a flight to San Francisco, something not too far away. I don't know. I think, yeah, it's the thing is, um, I mean, and, and, and, and, you know, seriously, I, when I was editing, before we forget, I was starting writing the next one. And so that's taken me three years of writing, uh, because it's more complicated than this one because it's not nothing to do with me and it's a completely different world. And it's the 1800s and it's a ghost story. So, so I had to, uh, so I've spent a long time there. So that, that's my way to cope with, um, with time and creativity. Fantastic. Any advice that you want to impart onto your fellow actors right now? You did touch that. This is, it's been a tough time lately. Um, you know, what, what words of advice do you have to share with everyone? Yeah, to remember, to remember that we're doing this for a reason, and the reason could be just to communicate, to express something. Uh, and it's hard when you cannot express. So to find any way to, to put that out there, be that, be that, be that, be that, be that out there. Be that, get together with people and make a short film or, or go to class or, you know, sing or go to watch a museum, uh, and do something with it. Because there's nothing worse than feel like your hands are tied. You have to put it somewhere, right? You have to give it away. My teacher, my, Ed, Ed, Ed Morehouse, uh, from HB Studio in New York, acting teacher, he passed away. He used to quote a song from Hammerstein. And he said something like, uh, a bell is not a bell unless you ring it. A song is not a song unless you sing it. And love is not love unless you give it away. And you have to give it away. This is our job. We have to give it away. Because, because if it festers in there, it just, it becomes ugly. So whatever it is, writing a book, your memoir, whatever it is, uh, just give it away. Because we all have so many things to tell. So many. I think that's like the perfect note to end on. This was fantastic. Juan Pablo Depache, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye.
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